CHRONICLES OF ‘CAR’NIA - the robot, the glitch and the hard-luck!!!

In my four years of engineering, the only thing that I really enjoyed was participating in LEVEL-I robotics competitions at ‘TECH-FESTS’ in various engineering colleges all over Mumbai. Although these were “national level events”, most of the teams that took part were from Mumbai’s colleges itself. What was so interesting about this robotics competition was the fact that it was the only means by which I could learn new stuff, get new ideas about engineering field, gain some practical knowledge and catch up with old friends who often come to such events. These events always had big prize money and winner’s certificates (extra curricular activities make an engineer’s profile stronger) to lure me to enter the competition and it also allowed me to participate in ‘bird-watching activity’, something that I could not pursue in my penitentiary.

The unfortunate few who are into engineering know what these events are like. For those who are not, here goes:-

A ROBOT in level-I competition is a 4-wheel car which operates on 12-30V DC power supply. It generally consists of 4 motors (one for each wheel) whose one end is connected to a remote-control via wires (yes, very lucid explanation, isn’t it) and the other to the power source. In short, it is an unmanned vehicle also known as a toy-car.

A TEAM generally consists of 4 individuals who share a common goal (of winning) and are full of energy & enthusiasm until they get knocked out of the competition & then start blaming each other for the loss till they come to know about the next event. The 4 man team should split the work in such a way that on the day of the event, two members repair the car, one keeps a tab on the competition and the fourth one is busy cracking silly jokes & getting nostalgic with his old friends (hey! Don’t look at me...i am the one doing the “repair” work...get it...”REPAIR” work). During the event, one guy drives the robot (via remote), one guy holds the wire so that the car does not get tangled in it, one guy keeps an eye on the opposition for possible violation of rules & the 4^th one is still cracking jokes.

An EVENT in level-I consists of a racing track which is mostly an obstacle course. The car has to complete the course in some stipulated time period. Rules and regulations are almost similar everywhere. The event goes on for 2 days, day 1 for eliminations which are time-trialed & day 2 for pre-quarters, quarters, semis & final races which are one-on-one.

Now that everyone is acquainted with the term ‘robotics’, here are a few real life incidents which occurred during my team team’s tryst to win the coveted prize. TEAM PETEBOY’s CHRONICLES of CARnia at robotics competitions:-

1) Build an all aluminum robot-car which will have a unique steering mechanism. This makes the car so bulky it literally crawls on flat surface and does not climb an inclined surface with inclination angle greater than 5^o . You end up spending 2000 bucks on car which will get you disqualified for not completing the course.

2) Ok. Now you know how other teams build cars using lightweight materials. So, you build a new robot-car out of plumbing accessories viz the tee-joints, the cylindrical pipes etc so that the motor is press-fitted in the pipe and wheels are mounted on the motor shaft using a super-glue.

When the car has to tackle an obstacle course which has angle-channels as speed-bumps, the car see-saws on it and you get disqualified for not completing the course on time.

3) When one of the motor burns out due to mysterious reasons, you cannot replace it because you have super-glued the wheel to it and applying excessive force on wheel to remove it means the wheel is going to break as crack developed in the hub just got wider. This means an automatic disqualification as the rules clearly state “robots with 3 wheels are not allowed.”

4) For the next event, you somehow find a spare wheel to mount on the spare motor. You struggle to press-fit the motor in the pipe and are disqualified for not reaching the event ‘on time’.

5) Still trying your luck with the same old car, you participate in another event and your hopes to win the event end when the press-fitted spare motor with spare wheel pops out when the event organizer says “GO!”

6) You build a third robot which is even lighter than the previous two, does not have any press-fits & wheels are screwed to the motor shaft. You clear the first round (whew!) and are the first team to participate on the 2^nd day (pre-quarters). Once the head-to-head racing starts, you win after a tight finish but since your teammate who was holding the wire stepped on the racing track thereby damaging it (actually his stepping over caused the chalk marks to disappear), you are disqualified as the rules clearly say, “the participants should not damage the track surface. If caught, it will result in direct disqualification.”

7) This is the 7^th event you are participating in. you have mastered the art of qualifying for the pre-quarters by continuously being the fastest car to complete the required course. Everything looks fine until the remote control connections come out & you cannot figure out which wire goes where at the heat of the moment...c’mon, it’s never happened before...I mean, with the wheel...you know what’s wrong atleast!!! Sheesh!!!

8) Repairing the remote has made robot go even faster for this event (no more leakage currents). On the way to the event, you hang the utility kit on the rear holder of your bike and zoom to the event. On reaching there, you find that the utility kit is on there...the only thing hanging on the handle is the HAND of the plastic bag...err...the handle must have given away. You loose the QF race because you cannot stop thinking of the utility bag. Screws, spare motors, wheels, power source, soldering iron...everything was there in it.

9) Another QF. The opposite team has two really hot chicks in it. The obstacle course has pin-balls around which the car is to be maneuvered so that none of them fall. Each pin-ball has 10 second penalty written on it. But your driver who goes by the name ‘D-FOOL’ is thinking about maneuvering other curves while he flirts with those two chicks and unknowingly holds the remote the other way round. FORWARD becomes reverse, REVERSE becomes forward, “1-2-3-GO!” and the pin-balls come tumbling after. Need I say more?

10) New event, another QF, same opponent. A close win & you are in semi-finals. Here’s a twist. The 2 hot chicks are able to convince the event-head that it was unfair of him to say “1-2-3 GO!” when they had practiced on “Ready, Steady, Go!” They demand a re-match; you cannot revolt because they are HOT! & you loose the race coz... “I think she FL****ED”... “THOSE B****ES”.

11) A semifinal where the task is to push all 10 balls in the net within 4 minutes. Your driver publicly declares that he can complete the task in not less than 90 seconds. 3 minutes and 57 seconds down & 7 balls to go....

12) This event is organized by a college where your best friend studies. What more, he even is a sub-sub-event-head and he promises a fair battle if at all you are pitted against a team representing his college. Come the semifinals and you are drawn against the home-team. Whole college is at the racing track. A tight race which we think we won but the main organizer turns out to be a nepotist. You turn to your best friend for justice & he stands by you & speaks out, “actually, I didn’t see what happened as I was waving at my girlfriend. Besides, I am just a volunteer; he is the event head...his decision, final decision.” The best friend is never to be seen again.

13) Big semi-final at a big event. Big prize money at stake. A course which comprises of a sand-pit followed by an iron-mesh bump. Every team has struggled to due lack of grip. Experience is the greatest teacher which means you are prepared for anything. Lack of grip was never a problem as you clean the wheels of our robot after every race. Knowing that your opponent has an underperforming car, you offer them the cleaning brush; that is sportsmanship, isn’t it? The race starts and what something which never happened till the SF happens for the first time. Your car suffers from lack of grip, your opponent, who could have struggled if his car’s wheels weren’t clean enough, sails to victory!!!

14) It’s the final. You haven’t put a foot wrong. You have been the fastest car on track till now. The other finalist looks tensed but you are not.

SWITCHES...checked!

ALIGNMENT...checked!

CONNECTIONS...checked!

MOTORS...running...checked!

DISTRACTIONS....checked em out yesterday...and its the FINALS...so please...

ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET, GO!!!... “Oh! Superb start...the car tackles the speed bumps with effortless ease...cuts the apex of the corner...jumps up the ramp...and lands on all 4 wheels...the opponent is being left behind...the car comes out of sand pit and onto the mesh...no slip-ups...another jump...perfect landing...finish line just centimeters away...oh you can smell the victory atlast...the crowd cheers for you...

GODDAMNIT!!! It’s the WRECHED WHEEL AGAIN!!!!............................................................”

- peteboy

Donna Karen Not Yet

To haann...this is what i noticed!!!!

See I’m not Sherlock Holmes or anything, but ever notice the way most engineers dress??? You know the shirt-jeans-sneakers...I mean you could sense a techie about couple hundred feet away...
The thing is, agreed that sort of dressing would curdle an innate magazine like Cosmo, but the sjs is far better than what I have to live with. I mean floral blouses, skin tight pants...aiyge this isn't what Avantika (the thespian of an old Marathi serial) wears but what guys around me wear!!!! ...guys, for Pete’s sake..... For your own sake...guy and flowers----> Darren Hayes and Elton john!!!

Okay I don’t know where to begin but I think I’ll start with the Everyday Formal-errs...self explanatory stuff huh!! I mean it man.....every fuckin day...I would skip a Russel Peters show to see Prof. Djindal Saboo, he's the heir apparent to the steel magnate (minus the N of course!!), at least that's what Beti-Chou insists on claiming, in ganjees and three-quarters.

As a rule the smaller they are the formaler they get....I mean smaller the ranks freaking perve....dick-sheet is an off 'n on member to their posse!! But man does dick-sheet love keeping an idiot busy!!!! Now dick-sheet has this bud charag, now charag (I refuse to believe anything else!!) in scorn of admission into frcrit has vowed never to change within a fortnight! To support his fortitude he manages to go the extra mile and use his garb as a pillow!

Now every college has its style bhais, our class da style bhai is so-deep, hats off to him man...he'll come as late as me (bakwas) on his 150cc pulsar (which he's never crashed....ever.....never ever.....I swear it....never!!) and with the jacket, and the wet look hair...boy he's got the look.... the carefully selected shirt whose pinstripes match a shade on his worked upon jeans....its nice to see somebody that enthu about college..

Man...This is gonna be fun!!!...about one of my buds foetur....if Micheal Jackson white'd himself by contracting vitiligo, foetur went the other extreme and black'd himself, not the 9 rings, and fubu jersey black, I mean "marijuana kills", "megadeth", "painkiller" black....he's like those queer maroo's who have to have black fabric, always touching their skin...But foetur's is the kind of maroo who worships Mary (with or without the Jane!!) and serves liquor during weddings (ceremony not reception).
Yeah about foetur, I think it was like the 2nd or 3rd sem, and a-la-foetur comes to the class door, I was all set to call 100-----and scream “freaks off the leash!!!!!!” (pardon me, I didn't know him too well)...as I come over the shock I see this 6 foot, exxxtra healthy kid at the door...now get a load of this....slippers- three quarters with terrible frays at the end, it still looks like a pom-pom cum tennicoit accessory attached to the ends of his three quarters, a ganjee, fortunately hidden under an open buttoned shirt- and ultimately- dark glasses.....I remember the lecturer going...kya hua re??? ....."Sore eyes sir!!!!”...The getup to celebrate his condition is the kinda stuff you get used to but the eyes in class that day were eyes that I’d have to, have to, have to remember.

You know there is sooo much of choice...gleeee!!!

>Umm vij'al (that what I grasp when he raps out his name), owing to his style quotient falls under the Club-Wear In Day Time category, his tribe generally hails from Mulund, Ghatkopar etc, somebody ought to tell them tight fit pants are sooo out the watchmen in college would know it....his pants are sooo tight you just wouldn’t miss the contours formed by the hair on his ass which unfortunately may/may not be garbed...guy going commando....NOT A TURN ON!!!!! Embroidery on shirts I will never accept but flowers on skin tight-pleat less-black- almost chiffon- pants ....WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talking about tight clothes nobody makes you realize: body fits are for body builders not for the big-fat build bodies, better than buzzer fofkar, see since anorexia’s out and fitness is in, buzzer feels “what the ‘chodh’, body nahi he to kya hua, personality to he, (ever notice how people confuse personality with physique…..this aint no tongue of slip!!!) and he adorns himself with his baby sisters t-shirts.
Well if there was dense fog, buzzer was wearing a helmet and a visually-impaired guy bumped into his tits...he'd think…this FAT guy is probably wearing his sisters t-shirt!!! But what beats those hazardous curves in front is the catastrophic gorges that lie behind…any body behind him dreads buzzer bhai fofkar having any sort of inclination, especially a forward one…coz, I shit you not when I say this, he’d rub Grand Canyon off all the maps in world…and replace it with The Great Indian Divide!!!!
If I had 500 bucks for every crack cleavage I saw in college I’d probably have like 5000 bucks and mind you those are only the hairy ones.

Another item bomb, is raag- me sir ko boldoongi. As legend has it her folks pay college fees and all, but she sits at home and probably cries over -kkasshiiisssshhhh, kkkkkkaaalllllaaaasssshhhhh but definitely not DOM I & DOM II. To know a little of what the innards of a college would be like she braved a visit. The sad thing is she came to college on the first day with a BRIEFCASE....I was rubbing my self thinking...wow....secretary porn- secretary porn-secretary porn!!!!! A startled turbanoid asked "yeh kya he??"....."Me doosro se baat nahi karti"....she coyly replied. yeah sorry for digressing but she wears stuff that'll render fabindia fab-less, she wears kurti's with chikan on the frontside- and- backside, I can so imagine him...oh god sorry....I can imagine HER shopping with her saheli's going "nahi bhaiya, dena ka daam boldo, nahi to me chali jaoongi".....while the kid with the hip mom shouts...."mummy dekho chakka...mummy dekho nah...waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....moods condoms anyone!!!"....so in her high waist jeans she elegantly sits criss-cross legged with her life partner...queen pallo...move over queen latifa...we're going desi with queen pallo.....sniff sniff sniff....isn't that a greatest contrast of em all!!!

Monday mornings, pehle lecture ke baad its scores updates time….and it’s the three of us regulars who feature on this show…Virus, peteboy and me…now I’ve never had a Real jersey so I cant do it, but when Man U pulls of their classic 3 minute- 3 goals games or Henry gets red carded- the college paints itself in motley colours… so you have another style funda: jerseys, be it Man U, Real, Barca or may even be PSV I have seen almost all of them in college. Now most people I know really know their football, like this guy virus, I mean please hadd hoti he yaar….now this guy seriously knows too much, I mean screw stadium names and refree origins, this guy’d probably know the name of the dhobi who washes the coaches towels…Thats all good, what blows is when you see either a Sania tee (for heavens sake……she doesn’t look good!!!) or the college gardener sporting a Leeds jersey.

Back to the pory-isms, now there is this dombivili cha porgya zzz who one day wore a blouse to college, I mean seriously, did he think I was gonna see A FLOWER on a t-shirt and let it fly: hell mo-fo no!!! Upon my "advice" I assume he aptly returned his blouse to his sister (or should I just tell the truth…he gave it to his ‘fat only in the stomach’ sexetary I mean sexretary…). But in zzz’ defense peteboy also braved a pink shirt once, okay pink is the color of power and jazz but when you know someone who has have two pink shirts its time to button up your shirt!!!!

Now my favorite part, the cheaters in my college, the so called lecturers, the ASSt profs and the scarce profs, now as I know it only one of em wears formal shoes everyday to coll, but then he’s the one handing out all the drops (year offs, what ever you call it) so I guess its okay...I know one who is true to his legion and wears sneakers on shirts and formal trousers and the rest of them fit into the elite clan called the ‘Phatta Chappal Core’ god these chindi chors, if you’d pay as much attention to this crap as me you’d realize the origins of their shirts, you’d know that this shirt is his wedding shirt, this his daughter stitched up this morning, this one is a suite-dhaap, am I jobless or what!!!!! But seriously the way they dress is simply dismal. He he he I almost forgot, there is also the bali-tan chak (see in engg colleges you don’t have chicks you have a variant called chak) who wears stuff she stole from a nikah the previous morn but tries to conceal it under her burkha, she’d might as well “hide” it!!! By the way she’s the men don’t wax so why should I kinds!!

I’d love to continue being the devils advocatei, but phatta chappal parmood’s viva beckons, and after a super sexy dme 2 viva, you kinda feel the need of being more than “I have no idea sir!!!”

Bakwas

HEY! ITS 7th SEM,MISTER!!!

17th July 06 marked the beginning of not just any season of EPL, SPL, SERIE-A, LA-LIGA nor was it the television premiere of LOST (season 3), AMERICAN IDOL (season-god knows which one) or for that matter any cool movie on star movies/HBO (who knows, blackouts still knocking us out) . What actually began on Monday the 17th was SEASON-7 in fr.Angel penitentiary… how cool!!! Coz by the end of this season (tentative date 27/10/2006), we’ll actually be 7/8th of engineers!!! (Awooogaa!!).

But a season is never complete without its GRAND FINALE (generally a 1 or 2 hr episode on TV) and fr.AG (GAY) NEL’s specialty has always been its term ending PRELIMS. (ag-gaynelite may sound weird but Royal MECHIES (mechanical engineering students) would know it very well, I mean, c’mon 73 guys & only one babe in our class & looking at the babe’s build-quality, one always thinks whether to call her a babe or BABA. Hell! Even our top ranker goes by the name of DICK-SHEET…so u see where it is all coming from).

Now, PRELIMS are one hell of GRAND FINALE; let’s say penitentiary’s MAGNUM OPUS. The professors think that the students should be able to answer all the questions sprucely as they have been “taught” everything beforehand. Unfortunately for them (actually us), that ain’t case. Barring a pedantic few & worthless others, the main players of our class are not interested in attending these exams at all. The perennial question in our minds has always been, “after writing truck-loads of assignments & a million types of class tests during ‘PRACTICAL’ sessions, why the hell do we need PRELIMS for?”

And this has given birth to some really uber-cool characters in MECH-7. So to start with, there is guy called Mr.PPB who’ll always sit on the first bench (coz he is roll no.1) and end up writing some crap or the other and still clear the exam thanks to his good handwriting!!
Then there is this guy who goes by the name ANNA (not Kournikova you despots, anna…as in a typical south Indian guy) a.k.a “the jholer” who’ll bring not just chits but also formulae scribbled on his calculator & guess what…whatever he writes on them…everything comes in the exam…some charlatan he is!!

Next in line comes the terrific trio of Danny, Viru & Mr.Patil. These 3 are known to do a Houdini within an hour after exam starts. We wonder whether the tioka come just to collect the question paper & say ‘HELLO’ to the invigilator or to jot down some answers!!!
Moving on, there is another character called ‘ZZZZZZZZZZZ’ who’ll be seen showing his answers to ‘apachika’ but that dude ‘apachika’ never shows/tells anything to him. Silly boy ‘zzzzzzzz’ you are!! Plus, weird thing about ‘ZZZZZZZ’ is that he’ll sit for whole 3 hours and end up flunking while others sit for 1-2 hours(max) and end up…FLUNKING! (What a waste… no, not us but... that guy ‘zzzzzzz’).

Finally, let me write about us as well. Bilkulbakwas here will always turn up about 15 minutes late; keep on laughing like a mad man (traumatized i guess) for next 10 minutes after reading the questions; "psst" around asking for answers; scribble something on the answer sheet and after dozing for 10 odd minutes; hazard asking Mr. Strange for any 'valuable inputs'; get pissed off when Strange tells him to elaborate on 'dividing a raster into 9 parts'.... i mean what does he expect, by then he realizes his pet needs some pooja, he leaves the exam hall for a cup of chee and roadside snakes....(hail gujju!!)

As for me (peteboy), I’ll study something; won’t be able to reproduce anything and before the exam commences, annoy everyone around me by asking them everything. Besides that, my mates have always questioned my exam hall virginity: - my inability to cheat. I just can’t do it man! I try, the examiner scorns at me; I move my legs to squeeze in but only manages to bang it against the front bench just to wake up that professor who is about to doze off; I try to whisper; no one understands what I say. Tell me, how can I be a good engineer if I can’t cheat in the damn examination hall??? (Formulae & calculations who????).

That’s not all folks. Magnum opus n all is ok but piece-de-resistance of this Season 7 (and for previous seasons too) will always be the re-tests & the re-re-tests & the re-re-re-tests (sic). The above-mentioned players are there for these events too but at the end of every event, some drop off, one by one, until the Chosen One remains. No one knows how many of us would be Chosen Ones this season but esteemed personalities like Mr. “Aaaaaaaa-you-hush???”, “So-deep”, “Mamu” & co. have always been able to raise the bar (sem after sem) and even if you don’t respect their attitude, you have to salute their fortitude.

So, that is what you experience in this urbane educational institute of ours. Although it’s been a mundane thing for MECHIES, other departments spare their kids, as they do not find later half of the extravaganza germane enough. Hell! Maybe our department has lost its humane touch.

-peteboy