MASTER & THE CONUNDRUM – III

Like a trained parrot, I had blabbered everything nice about my university to the visa officer in order to get the visa. These days, the visa procedure has become more of a lucky draw. One of the main reasons for me coming to this university (as told to visa officer) was the ease of getting an assistantship. When I landed in America, the situation was rather chaotic.

To begin with, the assistantship scenario was looking bleak since the professors with field of interest of my liking already had atleast one desi student under them. On the other hand, the fields in which I was not interested had all sorts of openings available! Facing a Catch 22 situation, I started writing e-mails to all the professors asking them for ‘FUNDING’… (that’s right…desi public have their own lingo…funding is a word they use for assistantship) but almost everyone quickly replied, “THANKS BUT NO THANKS”. Little did I know that all the professors here were now trying to avoid hiring desi students because of their casual, paralyzed & cramming style of thesis work & study. GOOD JOB, SENIORS!!!! (Grrrr)

Whilst continuing on my ‘Will do anything for Funds’ mission, I came to know of a certain professor who was on a lookout for a part-timer to do designing work for his clients. He wanted someone who was hard-working, willing to learn new stuff; someone who was good at imagination; someone having profound knowledge of CAD software & someone who was always punctual with his work. He was unable to find anyone with so many attributes. I told him straightaway that I fitted the bill & I should be able to give this challenge a shot. Multitasking is definitely not my forte but when in Rome, do as Romans do!

This professor was going to teach a course which all the desis are afraid to take up since there are no reference books readily available. None of the desis had taken his course in past five years. Even after being severely warned by seniors, I registered for the very course & decided to take up the part-time work as I wanted to improve my chances of getting funded. Obviously, he was not going to pay me for the work I did as he wanted to observe me for one “Quarter” & then decide whether I was good at fulfilling any one of the stipulations he had put forward.

(The university where I am studying has a ‘QUARTER-SYSTEM’ of education as compared to ‘SEMESTER-SYSTEM’ in most of the universities)

The first few weeks passed without any problem. Both the subjects were esoteric but I always had this gut feeling that I would cope with the studies once I started studying “sincerely”. Besides, I had enough experience of handling pressure & burden of completing the assignments on time thanks to the teachings & sufferings I received in my undergrad alma-mater.

Daily routine included waking up early, grabbing light breakfast, packing my lunch-box & running to university lab so that I could chat with my parents as we had already fixed a time which was suitable for both of us keeping the time-difference in mind. Parallel online chatting with most of the school & college friends meant recollecting those selected twenty-thirty incidents & jokes & laughing endlessly at them. The only time chatting sessions turned sour were when they would shamelessly ask, “oye, whats the score?”

Now, there are some things which a good friend knows very well about you. ‘Struggling to get a girl-friend till date' is a one such thing. Questions regarding such things can only depress you in a way because at the end of the day, it is your best friend who has made you look like a loser. It hurts your ego.

If you are attracted to some girl or maybe infatuated by her presence, the gutsy thing to do is ask her out. Unfortunately, your conscience tell you that approaching her will only lead to rejection as you have nothing that will impress her. It is a knee-jerk reaction. Under such circumstances, you listen to it. Then, you tell the whole world that you never approached a girl because you never found anyone perfectly befitting for you. As a result, your self-esteem remains untainted and you don’t face rejection. Anyways, it was never a serious issue because all my friends haven’t found their “right girl” yet. So, to think about it, we are still sailing in the same boat.

Five weeks down the line, I was still struggling to follow a single word of both the subjects. Fourth week was the last week to drop the course which meant I had to continue what I had signed for. As for CAD work; well, we were never taught CAD software during my undergraduate studies & since football, tennis, formula1, cricket, movies & free quality p*rn were the only ‘happening things’ in my college life, there was no time to self motivate myself & learn CAD software on my own.

Things did not end there. The second course which I had taken was called “Mechanical Oscillations” & during my undergrads, I don’t know how many attempts I gave to clear this very subject. I, not being able to understand a single equation or word of the first subject, (one which I mentioned two paragraphs above this one) somehow started making sense as this subject was called “Advanced Non-periodic Oscillations”. When the eighth week of the ten-week quarter arrived, I was in a state of rut:- attending the lectures, cooking food, eating food, chatting with my parents wherein I assured them everything is O.K, sleeping, eating & ooh yes…free p*rn…free, LEGAL, excellent quality P*RN! My “Oscillations” exam was after two weeks & had a project submission of “nonlinear she-near me-fear oscillations” the week before. I was lost in a labyrinth & all the exit-doors were closed for me.

I don’t know how the final week of the Quarter flew by. I had managed to complete the project in time. At the time of presentation, the professor pointed out that my assumptions for the project problem were wrong which meant my entire project was wrong. Fortunately, my four native classmates got their individual projects wrong as-well. The final exam didn’t turn out that well either. Moreover, I missed my cheat-buddies sorely (so what if I am unable to cheat…read “ITS 7th SEM-MISTER?”). When the grades came out a week later, history repeated itself.

Four months have gone by & my attempts to get ‘funded’ have turned futile. I got bored of the free part-time work & the professor got bored of me not being able to produce any results. Grades aren’t worth mentioning either. No assistantship means I have to use up the entire educational loan. Using whole amount means looking for a job in America as soon as I pass out so that I can repay the loan within stipulated time. Job search is only possible if I manage to pass out in Summer or Fall Quarter to get maximum time for O.P.T. If at-all I get a job, I have to impress my employer so that he will file for my H1 visa status.

Since Quarter system has certain courses being offered only during certain Quarters, I am stuck here till the next Winter. Keeping that in mind, I’ll have to stretch my graduation by five additional months. That means additional expenses. Not to mention the fact that the place I am studying is located in a remote village.

No job means I might have to opt for a PhD. program which sucks in a way because I am not a big fan of studies. So, I am pretty sure I won’t be able to that. Plus, I’ll be stuck here for not two but five full years.

Whoever said, “if you can become an engineer in India, masters’ degree from anywhere else will be a bed of roses”, fooled me big time. There are so many things to worry about while completing the coursework that I have even given up looking for loop-holes in the system. Swimming with the tide is the only logical option; so what if it takes you to Bermuda Triangle!!!

Even after doing so, the perennial question still remains unanswered: “what about that girl I am so crazy about?” I know I can’t get her. She seems to be happy with her guy (though latest intelligence reports suggest that he is not her “boy-friend” & they are just “going-out”) and I pretend to be self occupied with no time for love. Eventually, I’ll be relying on my parents to find me ‘the One’ whether my ego likes it or not. Believe me, even they won’t find it easy to dupe someone to marry me because:

a) Nobody wants to marry an obese, bald guy graduating from a lesser known university & earning peanuts in an organization where there is no job security or
b) A guy who is struggling with his PhD program.

Today’s women want adventurous guys who, while raking moolah, are able to fulfill the promise of providing a Queen-size life to them. They are so not into aged geeks who are unable to find a secured job in the first place and take ages to start earning big bucks.

Well, just to console myself, I can say that I survived four years in the ANGLE slammer. So, few more years of butt-kicking won’t make a difference either. All I pray for is a good life which is difficult to get and a good wife which is even more difficult to get.


- Peteboy